Marriage or Partnership - are you still being intimate?
Article supplied by Life Coach Alexandra Andrews
I read an interesting article in the Sydney Morning Herald “Lust For Life”. By “Bettina Arndt”. It was suggesting that a discussion sits within each individual person and their own internally/external sexual desires and how, within relationships and/or marriages, there is perhaps a lack of sex.
The discrepancies between how many times a women and man may want or desire sex? What type of sexual fantasies each one wants to experience and perhaps shared out aloud or not.
People talk about the “affair” that has sometimes happened within the relationship/marriages once, twice or perhaps many times. The search or desire for something more. This is not just for men (although testosterone may help weigh heavily to their side) it is women as well.
We hear of so many couples who break up over an affair or a distancing or disconnection.
What is the importance of sex? How much is enough?
Sex is a sensation. It’s the act of connecting. It rarely requires the brain or any mental thought but more so the feelings that are stirred within. Sometimes it becomes mechanical or sometimes even a burden, but when it’s good timing it’s magic & sensational. Orgasims take you so far away from your mental thoughts that it’s a yummier form of mediation. If you are not having sex as often, ‘Do you think you’re having ‘enough’ sex? And if not, why not’?
Women sometimes pretend to be asleep, maybe even for the first time ever, they’re thankful that they have their period so they can hang the “in for service” and “closed for business", sign up. Men can sometimes be busy with work hours or stressed or pre-occupied, and can’t muster the emotional or physical energy to be intimate.
We can joke about the different stories women and men come up with for getting in or out of sex, oral sex, orgasms etc.. BUT the real issue can be that many couples have stopped or closed off discussions about what is really going on with the desires of their partners. Fear, judgment etc.. play a big role.
Are you still ‘connected’ with your partner?
Keeping this connection is so important. Understanding that of course there are times when you can’t; perhaps due to health issues, your partner being away or short term issues. The important thing is that you can connect again as soon as possible. For example, having young kids, and perhaps being tired are all good reasons at the time, however this disconnection is not healthy for both in the long run.
I know for myself and many others, we are sometimes, “not in the mood”. We have had busy days and the last thing we are wanting to do is have sex. The funny thing is that when you have sometimes been enticed with a massage, good movie (my “good friend” warm’s up to George Clooney) you can become in the mood and it all feels fantastic..!
Perhaps take a moment to contemplate what we can do to keep that connection. Just try it. Loosen up. Go out of your way to think of a nice gesture for your partner, perhaps a date Night, running of a bath, book a hotel room, meet at their office and take them out for lunch. Weekend away. Forget the reasons why you can’t. Keep working on doing something because you if don’t think of it for whatever reasons, it’s only going to get harder and more further away.
We all like to feel wanted, sexy, thought of. Whatever we really want to happen to us, lets start by giving it to our partners and lead by example.
Everybody’s situation is different and often we need a little guidance or someone to talk to about what really is going on. If you feel you or possible your friend needs something, then please do not hesitate to contact.